Caution: A little goes a long way….

I’ve been asked on several occasions when my next blog was coming. Well, my dream last night sparked a lot of thoughts for me today.

I woke up really upset with Chad, and he had no clue. I found myself stuck in the middle of a dream that seemed impossible to wake up from. I remember being with my family and being asked where Chad was. The dream progressed from bad to worse. The next significant memory is Chad telling me he just wasn’t that into me anymore. What? After all we’d been through, he just up and decides he’s not that into me? The rest of my dream was filled with trying to get his attention and to do all I could to win his affection again.

My dream sparked my thoughts for today. What am I doing to still keep his attention? We are all guilty of thinking since we married them they aren’t going anywhere. While this may be true, admit it, we like to know someone is head over heels for us!

I recently had a Facebook conversation about whether or not it was pathetic to sit in the same room and “chat” with your spouse. Here me loud and clear…ABSOLUTELY NOT! It’s not pathetic, it’s sweet! It’s almost like passing love notes in class! You do realize it’s easier to say things when you write them down.

 It breaks my heart to know that there are couples that are struggling simply because they quit trying when they said, “I do”. Don’t give up! Even if it looks like you’ll never get their attention, I promise, it’s the little things. It will add up! Start small, be meaningful, and most importantly…DON’T expect anything in return. Reach deep down and discover what really gets their attention!

I’ve listed some ideas below, let me know some of yours!

Challenge #1: The next time you’re in the same room, start texting! Use your imagination! You might be surprised to find out exactly what your spouse is thinking :)!

Challenge #2: Where his favorite perfume…even if it’s not your first choice!

Challenge #3: Men – Give her the remote; Women – don’t assume they have other motives!

Challenge #4: Men-Find out what her favorite flower is, buy just 1, put it in a vase and sit it in front of the tv, computer, or cell phone and give her your undivided attention. This will let her know she’s cherished and valued above all else. Women – don’t assume they have other motives!

Use your imaginations, men and women! Love each other, continue to chase each other! Fall in love all over again, everyday!

  

The Most Tragic Day of My Life!

I have put this blog off for 5 days now. I don’t want to write it because it brings back so many painful memories, but I know this is exactly what I should share. As a precursor, it is lengthy.

January 21, 2007, we were blessed to find out we were pregnant with #4.  We were so excited, scared, nervous, all the emotions that go along with having another child.  We knew though that God was in control and this was His will. 
Just 2 short weeks after the joy of being pregnant overwhelmed me, I started having problems.  I had started bleeding and the doctor confirmed that it was an impending miscarriage.  We were devastated.  Heartbroken doesn’t even begin to describe how we felt.  We knew though, that even in this God had a plan.  We didn’t and still don’t understand it, but it isn’t for us to know. 

We were in the healing process of losing a child, healing some areas in our marriage, and healing our spiritual lives.  I had truly grown closer to Chad and to God.  I was now staying at home, not working, and loved every minute of it.
Sunday, February 18, 2007, I was scheduled to sing with a trio that morning.  The song chosen was, “Gentle Healer”.  How appropriate to sing at church following the heartbreaking event of losing a child.  We also sang, “He Knows My Name”, another song that is very emotional even to this day.  We had chosen the name Josiah for our child if it were a boy, the literal translation of his name is, “Healer”.  (Do you see God in this anywhere?)  The guest speaker that spoke that morning talked about why some Christians are afraid of death.  This is an issue that I have dealt with for a long time.  I wasn’t scared to meet Jesus; I was scared of how my family would make it without me.

Monday, February 19, 2007 6:00 am, Cana woke me up because she wasn’t feeling well.  I got up with her and got her back in bed and laid down to get a few more minutes of sleep.  As I lay down, Chad woke from a sound sleep and asked me if I was feeling alright.  Confused by the question, I said, yes, why?  He had no explanation, he just felt like he needed to ask.  As I laid my head down my chest began to ache a little.  Thinking it may be some gas build-up, I decided to go to the bathroom.  As I was walking toward the bathroom, I felt really weird.  When I got to the toilet, I yelled for Chad and he came running.  A pain unlike any other I had ever felt now filled my entire abdomen through my chest.  As he knelt down beside me I told him I felt like I couldn’t breathe, felt like I was going to pass out, and was scared. Immediately, I passed out.  Chad laid me on the floor and called 911.  (From the time he asked me if I felt ok to this point, it was only about 3 minutes.)  I began throwing up and he couldn’t really get me to come to.  I told Chad, if I die; please take care of my babies.  I was at peace with dying that day, I was certain I was going home to be with the Lord.  Chad prayed and claimed in Jesus name my healing.  I was propped up against the bathtub as the ambulance arrived.  They were unable to get my blood pressure because they couldn’t hear it.  I was loaded in the ambulance on my way to Missouri Delta Medical Center in Sikeston.  In the ambulance, I tried to tell them to take me to Cape not Sikeston, but I was unable to speak.

 I arrived at the hospital and was rushed in.  Chad kept telling everyone I had just had a miscarriage, but I was sure it didn’t have anything to do with what was happening.  I was so weak I was unable to open my eyes.  My blood pressure was around 50/30 and I was going downhill fast.  Still, they didn’t know what was happening.  I went to have x-rays and they showed nothing.  While there though, I passed out again and began convulsing.  I was then moved to a different room to have a pelvic exam done.  Again I passed out and the doctor determined that my uterus was clear.  Then I was sent to ultrasound, there the tech found something he thought was a ruptured cyst.  A lot of fluid was in my abdomen.  Chad began to tell them that my ob doc was in Cape and he would like for me to be transferred there.  The hospital tried to contact him and found out that he was on vacation for the next two weeks.  The doctor told Chad there was no time to transfer me; he needed me to have emergency surgery and gave Chad two options for doctors.  He chose one and within 10 minutes she was there and I was being wheeled to the operating room.  Scared because I didn’t really know what was going on, but I knew God was totally in control.  When I came out of surgery, we were told that I had a ruptured tubal pregnancy and I was bleeding profusely into my belly, almost 2 liters.  My right tube and ovary had to be removed.  As the surgery began, I only had about 10 minutes left to live.  Reading over my story, the hand of God is seen all throughout.  I realized after my surgery, that God wasn’t finished with me.  He still has a plan and a purpose for my life. 

As tragic as this story is, there is good that has come from it. I have had the amazing opportunity to be in the hospital w/parents as their 10 day old baby lay dying and be a silent source of comfort for them. I never want to get tired of sharing our story with others. In the 3 years since losing the baby, we have been blessed with Jon Luke!

Even when things are grim and the light of day is nowhere to be found, God is still on the throne. Embrace Him today and allow Him to comfort you!

Valentine’s Day is coming…

So, I have to confess something…We are less than one week away from Valentine’s Day and I haven’t bought my sweetheart anything. Actually, until a few minutes ago, I hadn’t even thought about it. Now that I am thinking about it, I am somewhat disturbed.

I am overwhelmed at the “Love” section at Wal-Mart, our nation is obsessed with it. From huge teddy bears that no one will ever do anything with to fake roses that are actually underwear, and everything in between. It’s crazy!

Plain and simple, buying something for your spouse on the one day of the year designated to celebrate love will not enhance your marriage. Marriage is work, it’s exhausting, but it is the most amazing relationship you will experience on earth.

Chad and I have planned a date night for couples this weekend, Saturday, February 13 at 6:00 pm at Creative Edge in Jackson. This is a FREE event that will provide you and your sweetheart an enjoyable night with other couples. There will be table games, group games, couples games, and time to reflect on the gift God has given you in your relationship. (Babysitting will not be provided)

Just a heads up, be ready to share with everyone something about your spouse that made you fall in love with them!

Can’t wait to see everyone! And remember…don’t just celebrate “love” one day a year, daily express your love to your spouse!

Click here to RSVP via the Facebook Event Page.

Security…the #1 need of women

It was midnight and Chad and I had just settled in. I closed my eyes and as I was just at the point of conciousness and dead to the world a loud noise came from inside the house. Of course my first reaction was, “Chad did you hear that?”. All he responded with was, “Huh?”. I listened a little while longer and decided to try to go back to sleep. Again, being at the point of almost asleep, the noise happened again. This time it was loud enough to wake Chad. He shot out of bed and began looking for it. He went into the living room, nothing…checked the dining room, still nothing, then for the third time the noise was heard, and with his sonar hearing he discovered it was coming from the garage. Slowly he opened the garage door and grabbed the broom, by this point I have asked several times what it was and what was going on. I’m totally freaked out! As Chad is walking around the truck he let out a scream and ran back into the house and closed the door. Breathing hard and not really believing what he saw, he decided he needed a second look. He opened the door with the broom in hand and it was exactly as he thought, a huge momma racoon looking for some food. He fumbled to get the garage door opened, he succeeded then proceeded to chase the racoon out the door.

How many of you have experienced something similar? As women, our biggest need is to feel secure. I need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Chad would do whatever was necessary to protect me and the kids. We were designed this way!

I want you to think for a minute back to the last time your husband has made you feel secure. Maybe it was a situation like the racoon, maybe the safety in his driving through the winter weather, or maybe catching the mouse that was loose in your house. How did you feel when the situation was over? Did you genuinely than him or brush it off as that was his “job”?

As you go through this week, pay close attention to all the ways your husband makes you feel secure. Make a point to thank him from your heart each time it happens. For some, this will stretch them, for others it will seem very elementary. This simple exercise has the ability to launch your marriage to a new level. This is actually a two-fold process, the first being security for us wives, the second being validation of our husbands!

It’s in these moments that I am thankful God put the man over the household, to protect it. Let’s encourage our husbands this week and allow them the joy and privilege of protecting us, our children, and our homes.

 

 

The Set Up…

Guys, when was the last time you felt set up by your wife?

Okay, so that was a pretty cruel trick to play on that poor guy in the video… It reminds me of those times that my wife has set me up to fail. Now let me be very clear… I don’t think she does it on purpose. I would even venture to say that most women don’t even realize that they are setting their husbands up for failure. Let me explain.

Ladies, have you ever asked your husband the following questions?

Does this dress look okay? Did you notice my haircut? How was dinner? Will you watch Miss America with me?

You see, the reality is that these things get us in trouble EVERY time!

If we say that we didn’t notice the haircut = FAIL for not noticing.

If we say yes we noticed = FAIL for not saying anything sooner.

And so this scenario plays out in many situations… I was reminded of this tonight as I joined Jennifer in watching the Miss America Pageant. It was during the swim suit portion that I began to feel somewhat trapped. You know what I mean… She and Cana were talking about how pretty each lady was and I knew that I COULD NOT SAY A WORD because if I agreed that would get me in trouble. However, if I chose not to watch… I WOULD BE IN TROUBLE. So, I sat and watched in silence… until the set up came…

Jennifer asked me who I thought would win. AHHGGG… WHAT DO I SAY? I answered that I thought Miss Virginia was pretty… and before Jennifer could say anything… Cana replies with, “DAD!”

Wow, my 10-year-old daughter has already picked up on the set up! Okay, Okay, I know that this is funny, but it is also TRUTH. When was the last time that a conversation like this started a fight? If you are a normal couple, you’ll have to admit that it’s happened.

So ladies, do us guys a favor, cut us some slack, and ask yourself next time… Am I setting him up?

And gentlemen, you’re not off the hook. By all means avoid the set up! Notice the haircut, complement dinner, and so on…

A foolish child is a calamity to a father;
      a quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping. 

Fathers can give their sons an inheritance of houses and wealth,
      but only the Lord can give an understanding wife.

Proverbs 19:13-14

Fighting in Marriage

“Is it too much to ask for you to put the toilet seat down?” “Is it necessary for you to always nag me about taking the trash out when the guys are over watching the game?” “Are you listening to me?” “What do you mean there’s no money in the checking account?”

Does this sound familiar to anyone?

Let me set the stage for you. Ladies, a group of girlfriends are out to lunch and the man bashing begins. At first, the complaints are minor, but each time around the circle the frustrations grow and before you know it each woman is claiming to have the worst husband in the world. Men, you’re at the golf course and the nagging wife comes up. You each take turns explaining why you couldn’t wait to get out of the house because if she asked you one more time to fix the door on the closet you were going to blow a gasket. How many of us are guilty of this?

Nothing makes my heart ache for couples more than when I overhear conversations like the ones above. Chad and I were at lunch and heard a conversation between a male and female co-worker end in, we have a little time left, why don’t we get out of here. Seriously? Somehow two co-workers decided it was ok for them to discuss their horrible spouses and they ended up leaving lunch early, and by this I mean I’m certain they didn’t clock in early? I’m appalled!

I’m confident when I say 100% of marriages have experienced fighting. But, how many of us can honestly say we have fought FOR our marriage? How often have we had opportunities to uplift or encourage our spouse and we did nothing, instead, jumped on the bandwagon? Shame on us!

Over the past two and a half years Chad and I have had to fight for our marriage. All the cards were stacked against us. We had people question why we were still together, some even encouraged us to get it over and move on so the kids could start their healing process. It’s been an up-hill battle I wasn’t certain could be won. Through many tears, counseling, and late night discussions, I’m happy to say we have Renewed Bliss.  

It is absolutely imperative to fight for our marriages. My challenge to you this week is: make it a point to say something positive about your spouse while with a group of friends and to refrain from anything negative.

So now…Let the Fighting Begin! (ding, ding)

You’re so beautiful, and your eyes so beautiful like doves.
And you, my dear lover, you’re so handsome! 
~ Song of Solomon 1:15-16 

Proud of my sweet wife!

I am so incredibly proud of Jennifer and the passion that God has developed within her for couples and marriage. It has been an exciting adventure for us and she is excited to share all that God has taught her. I know you are going to enjoy her weekly posts!

It has been fun setting this blog up for her and even establishing her a Twitter account… FOLLOW HER NOW! She often has great things to say and now she can share all that encouragement with the world.

You will notice that I’m going to contribute from time to time also… Our heartbeat is that this is a place where we can minister life to other couples together! Finally, God is birthing a ministry that we SHARE… and I could not be more excited about that!

Enjoy the blog!